


Daniel and the Rainbow

by sg_wonderland



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 20:53:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14838971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sg_wonderland/pseuds/sg_wonderland
Summary: This being one of Richard Dean Anderson’s favorite movies, this story simply begged to be told. Even in my own twisted way.





	Daniel and the Rainbow

**Author's Note:**

> Another oldie but goody, completely nonsensical.

I didn’t even know they had tornadoes in Colorado. But Jack had called me, all excited, because apparently we are having one. I know he is worried about me, because I’m not safely on base with them, I’m home on an unexpected vacation. God bless Bill Lee and his wacky experiments. But they expect to have the archaeology department re-wired sometime this weekend. I assured him my office really needed a good scrubbing anyway. And a coat of paint will hide a lot of the stains.

So Jack had called me as soon as they had been notified about the tornado sighting; there are distinct advantages to sharing quarters with NORAD. He knew the chances of my actually having my television turned on were somewhere between slim and none. And Jack knows there’s no way he can get to me, nor can I make it to the base. I flipped on the local channel and there were a couple of talking heads, telling everyone to hunker down; evidently, the tornado was headed our way.

The highly polished but completely untrustworthy male part of the team was making some kind of a joke to his female counterpart about not being in Kansas anymore. I don’t get it; I didn’t even know Colorado had ever been a part of Kansas.

So I make sure all the doors and windows are locked against a rapidly strengthening wind. What is it they said? Go to an interior room, without windows? Trouble is I don’t have one in this small house of mine. I’ve got a closet, wonder if that will do? I hear that oft-described sound of a train bearing down. Okay, now that’s a tornado! I head for the bedroom closet to the sound of splintering wood. I’m just about there when the train evidently hits me from behind. I fall with the sound of glass shattering all around me. Then I hear nothing.

I am frankly amazed to wake up alive and in my own little house. Although something is definitely odd about my little house, it just feels wrong. I manage to drag myself up and to a somewhat vertical position. My head protests strenuously. I investigate with my hand and find a rather large knot on my forehead. “Okay, that hurts.” I mumble into the now eerily silent room. I make it to my knees and then my feet, pushing aside debris as I go. I walk out of the bedroom and into the living room, noticing that the light through the living room windows is grayish. What happened to the sun?

I open the front door to be greeted by an unrecognized room in the SGC. And that doesn’t even seem strange, what the hell is wrong with me? But I step through the door and into the base. And out into the hallway, where I hear voices, whispers, giggles. I whip around quickly but no one is there. But I can feel someone ‘s presence. “Who’s there?”

And suddenly, there’s a bright light in the corner and Thor pops in. “Daniel.”

“Thor?” I ask stupidly. Looking down on him, I never realized how short the Asgards really are; I simply tower over him.

“Something has occurred.”

“Really?”

“Indeed. You have managed to destroy most of the replicators.”

“I did?”

“Was that not your intention when you bombed them?”

“I did?” I bombed them? Me? I turn to follow his finger and see my house, sitting crookedly in the middle of the room with a bunch of replicator parts scattered around. “I....I didn’t mean to.”

“But you have. And you have freed all the Asgard; we are eternally in your debt. Your heroism shall spread far and wide throughout the galaxy. The replicators are at last neutralized!” This is as enthusiastic as I have ever seen Thor so I smile weakly at him. 

“However, there is more to be done.” Isn’t there always? “You must get to the gate and prevent any remaining replicators from dialing in and retrieving their fallen comrades. With those pieces, they could once again rebuild their army.” Of course they can. “You must hurry, Daniel.” Of course I must. 

“But,” I stutter as he starts to fade. “Hey, wait, I can’t do this alone. Thor, come back!” He poofs away as quickly as he came. “Thanks for nothing!” I shout at the spot where he isn’t. Okay, I can do this. Get to the gate. Problem is, I don’t know how to jam the dialing computer, I need Sam’s brain for that. So, it’s off to her lab.

*

I can’t get to Sam’s lab. The replicators must have had a field day while they were here. Doors are jammed; stairs are full of debris. I have found lots of stuff, what I haven’t found is any people. After having been deterred for the fourth time, I realized I wasn’t going to get to Sam without help. What I need is some muscle, some big muscle. What I need is…Teal’c.

 

So I divert to his quarters, since he’s on a different level, I’m hoping the little buggers hadn’t made too big of a dent here. Once I get on that level, it’s easy going. I have enough presence of mind to knock before I just barge in. I dash in when I hear his answer; he is lifting weights. “Teal’c. I need to get to Sam’s lab. Can you...?” He rises gracefully and grabs his jacket, vest and a P90. I just have to ask. “You keep a gun in your room?”

“Don’t you?” is his enigmatic reply. 

I don’t usually, but I might consider it in the future. We head out for Sam’s lab.

With Teal’c moving debris, it takes very little time to get there. “Sam!” I shout as we pry the doors open. “Are you in here?”

“Daniel? What’s up?” She’s working on one of her usual mad scientist experiments like she doesn’t have a care in the world.

“I need your help. We need to stop the replicators from dialing the gate.”

“Okay,” she cheerfully hops down from her stool and gears up. Am I the only person who doesn’t sleep with a gun under their pillow?

“So, Daniel, are we heading for the control room?” I stare at Teal’c, I am so not used to him speaking like a normal human.

“No,” I finally recover, “we need Jack to get into the control room. The replicators will have shut it down, we need his codes to open it up.”

“To Jack’s office then.” I follow Teal’c as he takes point, Sam automatically covers our six. I make a mental note to ask Jack for some aspirin for my head.

Jack is sitting in his office, fiddling with an old pocket watch, holding it to his ear. I guess he’s trying to hear it tick. “Jack, I need you.”

“Really, Daniel?“

Does he always have to be so argumentative? “Yes, Jack, I really need your help.”

“Okay.” He slips the watch in his breast pocket, pats it and grabs his gear. That’s it, I am buying my very own gun the minute I get home.

 

So now there are four of us heading for the control room. There are no replicators, but we encounter lots of what they left behind. I realize again, what we haven’t seen are any other people. Where is everyone else?

Once we get there, Jack makes quick work of the control room door and Sam immediately does her thing with the dialing computer. And suddenly the iris starts vibrating.

“Shut it down!” Jack shouts. And we all freeze when letters slowly start appearing on the dialing computer monitor. 

S..U..R..R..E..N..D..E..R D..A..N..I..E..L.

Everyone stares at me. I stare at the screen.

“Who did you piss off this time, Daniel?”

“I....I don’t know, Jack. Maybe the replicators, I did kinda drop a house on them. That might have made them mad.”

“Ya think?”

Sam has been typing feverishly, trying to stop the gate. “Jack, we just can’t hand him over to them.”

“I wasn’t suggesting we would. We need to get him out of here, though. Then maybe they’ll stop pounding on the door and just go away.”

“How do you suggest we do that?” Teal’c offers. “He can’t go back the way he came.”

“No, I don’t suppose you can, can you, Daniel?”

“I can’t believe you’re suggesting I fly off in a house, Jack! I don’t know how I flew it the first time.”

And suddenly, a light flashes in the corner. Thor is sitting on the steps.

“Thor! Old buddy, are we glad to see you. Daniel here needs some help.”

“So I see. The replicators have discovered who killed their brethren.”

“I didn’t mean to, it was an accident. Honest!”

“We believe you, Daniel, I’m just not sure how to convince the bugs of that.” Thank, Jack, that was so helpful.

“There is no way to convince them. Daniel must leave now.”

“I’d love to, Thor. Don’t suppose you’ve got any suggestions.”

“It’s all up to you, Daniel. Whenever you’re ready to leave, just step through the gate.”

“It can’t be that easy! You mean, he could have left any time he wanted to?”

“He could indeed, he just needed to learn how. Whenever you’re ready, Daniel.” In a poof, Thor was gone again.

“I’m never gonna get used to the way he just poofs in and out.” Jack waved away the cloud of smoke. “There you are, Daniel. Replicators destroyed, off-world threat eliminated. And you’ll be home by supper. Dial it up.” 

I lean over and put my hand on the screen. And the gate starts dialing. Jack leads the way down the stairs and into the gateroom, where the Stargate stands activated and ready.

“Thanks, Jack, you all saved the day.”

“You could have done this, Daniel. You didn’t need us.”

I stare at him. “No, no I couldn’t, Jack. I could never have done this myself.”

“You could have done this, Daniel,” he repeats. “You always had the power to help yourself, you just didn’t believe in yourself enough.”

I still just stare at him. “I did?”

“Isn’t that what Thor said? So what did you learn today, Daniel?” 

Sam and Teal’c are standing beside Jack. I briefly close my eyes and think about my day. “I learned that I could have done this by myself, even though I didn’t think I could. But I wanted you guys there with me. Because even though I might not need you, I still need you.” I shake my head in disgust. “And that makes absolutely no sense!”

“On the contrary, Daniel, that makes perfect sense.” Jack ruffles my hair with apparent affection. “I’m gonna miss you.”

“You going somewhere?”

“No, but you are. It’s time to go home, Daniel.” His voice isn’t even a whisper; it registers in my mind like a breeze wafting through.

“But I don’t want to go, I don’t want to leave you guys.” I look at the three of them, then close my eyes again to stop the inevitable. “I’m gonna miss you, too. All of you.” I know that’s true but I also know I’m probably gonna miss Jack most of all.

He smiles at me. “The people at home miss you, too. And they’re worried about you. Go back to them, Daniel.” Sam grabs me for a hug and Teal’c grabs both of us. Jack rounds it out by throwing his arms around as much of us as he can get. We stand like that for far too short a time before they all pull back and I know I have to leave. I slowly walk up the ramp and turn back to see them one last time before I step through. 

*

I do wish someone would quit banging on that big drum. Or move it away from my head. Or better yet, both. When I try to angle my head away, something stops me. 

“Come on, Daniel, wake up.”

“Jack, please don’t shout.” I whisper.

“Daniel?” I recognize Janet’s voice. “I know your head hurts and I’ll give you something for it in a minute. I need you to open your eyes and look at me.”

I know her well enough to know she will badger me until I do, so I pry first one eye, then the other open. The light stabs them fiercely and I try to close them again.

“No, Daniel,” she chastises me firmly. I sigh and open my eyes again. And manage to keep them open this time.

“OK, that hurts.”

“Just give it a couple of minutes.” She gently lays a cloth across my forehead.

I finally focus. And stare at the group assembled around my bed. Beside Jack and Janet, there is, naturally, Teal’c and Sam. And even General Hammond.

“General Hammond?” In order for him to visit me here, I must have done something really bad. Or incredibly stupid.

“Glad to see you back with us, son. You gave us all quite a scare.”

“What did I do?”

“What do you remember, Daniel?” Janet is flicking her light in my eyes; I bat her hands away.

The last thing I remember... “The replicators? They were here in the base?”

Jack frowns. “Doc?”

“He has a pretty good knot on his head and a concussion. It only stands to reason he’d be..confused.”

“Daniel, your house was hit by a tornado. You got knocked in the head by some flying debris.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I don’t remember any of that. So, no replicators on the base? And you and me and Teal’c and Sam didn’t shut the gate down to stop more of them from coming through?”

“No, Daniel. No replicators, no base over-run. Just you and a lot of hot air.”

“And Thor wasn’t here?”

“Not that I know of.” Jack is frowning again.

I push the cloth off my forehead. Yeah, there’s a sizable knot there. “It must have been a dream, then. Wow.”

“Must have been. Are you sure you’re alright?”

I think about the Sam and Jack and Teal’c of my dream. Nice as they were, they just didn’t compare with the real thing. I look at those concerned faces gathered round me, and I manage a smile. “I am now. It’s just good to be home.”

Jack fidgets. “Listen, Dorothy, about home. Just how attached were you to that house?”


End file.
